Warm Sex

If you type “warm sex” into google, the first suggestion you’ll get is “warm sexy pajamas.”  Really.  It would seem that women have at least as much trouble finding attractive sleepwear as they do finding good sex.

Although I understand the challenges involved in looking sexy in long-johns, I won’t be addressing that problem in this post. (The photo at left is from Victoria’s Secret, so if you happened to drop in while actually searching for warm, sexy PJs, you might check those out.)

In my last post about bad sex, you might recall that I promised to talk about what I consider good sex, or what I call “warm sex” (no pajamas necessary).

For lots of men, sex IS the connection to intimacy.  The desire (and the payoff) are straight-forward and predictable, both of which make sex less complicated.  (And there’s nothing wrong with that!  Sometimes I wish sex was so effortless.)   But for women, sex is what comes after the connection is already made, and the better the connection, the better the sex. That explains the appeal behind romance novels (and anything with a love story): it’s all about making the connection, and the more struggle, challenge, and work the guy endures, the better the sex in the end.

Our male psychologist friends claim that the connection woman want is domination, but that seems so obviously wrong that it makes me laugh.  Women don’t want to be dominated, they want to be earned, convinced, and enticed.  We want men who are willing to stick around long enough to figure out how to make that connection with us.  And once they do, the rewards are many.  It’s worth the work — and not just for the sex, either.

Warm sex is what comes after a man makes that connection with a woman he has an emotional attachment to (and she to him). That bond will make her crave the way he smells, the feel of his masculine body, the way he makes her tremble when he touches her skin.  (Yes, even smart, educated, powerful women want that connection — and men should, too.)

And if you manage to succeed, there won’t be any need for warm, sexy pajamas — they’ll just be in the way.

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