About D.L. Orton

D. L. ORTON lives in the foothills of the Rockies where she and her husband are raising three boys, a golden retriever, two Siberian cats, and an extremely long-lived triops. Her future plans include completing the books in the BETWEEN TWO EVILS SERIES followed by an extended vacation on a remote tropical island (with a Starbucks). When she's not writing, playing tennis, or helping with algebra, she's building a time machine so that someone can go back and do the laundry.

Bad Sex: Is There Such a Thing?

Is there such a thing as bad sex? If you’re female, you’re probably rolling your eyes. If you’re male and under 25, you probably thought that was an oxymoron. (Bad sex!? That’s like a bad day off work, or a bad win at the lottery.) The rest of us might have to think about it a bit: Is is safe? Does anyone get hurt? Are there unwanted consequences? What, exactly, is bad about it? There are a LOT of books out there that claim to have uncovered the reason woman (in general) aren’t as enthusiastic about sex as men, but the answers all … Continue reading

Pick-Up Advice: Is It a Bad Thing?

There are always discussions going on over at The Good Men Project about ethical pick-up advice and whether socially-challenged men are “helped” by PUA (Pick-Up Advice) forums that portray woman as targets to be exploited (i.e the fastest way to get laid.) The shy (or otherwise challenged) “nice guys” claim that the (often morally iffy) advice helps them succeed in “real” relationships, and that if there were “better” places to get good advice they’d go there instead. So, a few female “experts” are handing out “better” advice, and the guys are shooting it down. It’s an enlightening (and entertaining!) read as long as you … Continue reading

Get Laid (Or At Least Get Her Attention)

So you wanna get laid, guys? Here’s a Pro Tip:  Forget flowers. Forget wine. Forget expensive dinners at the Top of the Mark. If you want to turn her head, capture her heart, or show her how much you love her:  Learn to Cook. (And it may just get you laid, too!) Although  made-from-scratch Chocolate Cake is a sure winner, and warm Grand Marnier Soufflé is divine, there’s a lot of stress involved in getting a finicky dessert to rise for the occasion, so let’s start with something a bit more forgiving: Homemade Bread A little too much flour? Water a tad cool? No worries! With homemade bread, … Continue reading

Fifty Shades of Nay

I just finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James and, try as I might, I couldn’t learn to like it. Like Twilight before it, I’m having a difficult time understanding how so many people (ok, mostly women, but I could be wrong) can read it without their suspension of disbelief crashing to the floor on every other page.  I had to keep scooping mine up, glueing it back together, and forcing it back into the story. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good sex scene as much as the next consenting adult, and it’s a rare pleasure … Continue reading

A Touchy Subject

Today I watched a teenage boy squirm when he was required to kiss an adult relative, and it got me thinking about why we subject ourselves (and our children) to such displays of fake affection. We learn about touching from our mothers (and fathers, too.)  Most mammals enjoyed touching and being touched (although there are individuals that don’t due to physical, mental, or emotional constraints).  Children crave it, and so do adults (unless they’re learned to shut out the need as a self-defense mechanism.) Even marine mammals pat, nudge, nip and caress their friends, family, and potential mates. (And it’s … Continue reading

Playing With Fire

A summer downpour has made the freeways a mess, so I’m a bit late arriving at the vintage hotel. Dusk is falling, and the parking lot is packed. My cellphone rings, but I don’t recognize the number, so I send it to voicemail and proceed to squeeze my Prius in between a massive SUV and a puddle that could be the sixth Great Lake. Huge drops of water filter through the leaves and splatter onto the windshield as I collect my belongings. I take a deep breath and then dash beneath the lush oak trees toward the hotel lobby. I … Continue reading

Done Too Soon

Warning!  This excerpt (from one of my novels currently on submission) is sexually explicit and includes adult language.  It describes actions between consenting adults (who are using birth control, even if they don’t tell you that).  If you are offended by the words breast, penis, or clit, now would be a great time to go back to reading LOLcats.  Otherwise, please enjoy.  (I would love to hear from you in the comments if you’d like to read more…) As I’m brushing my teeth, he slips in behind me—shirtless—and wraps his arms around my waist, nuzzling me on the neck and … Continue reading

10 Things Men Should Ignore

If you spend any time at all tootling around the information super-highway (remember when everyone use to call the Internet that?), then you’ve probably run into a “Top 10” list or two (or fifty).  We humans love to peer into the lives of perfect strangers to see if they agree with us (or, even better, to discover that they are lazy slobs, brazen hussies, or potential psychopaths.) Some of the most common “collections of advice” purport to teach us What Women Want, or Ten Things Women Need to Hear In Bed (e.g. “I’ll be right back: I have to put the wash in … Continue reading

Life’s Little Ups & Downs

Welcome to the 21st Century: No toothpaste, pocketknives, or snowglobes allowed.  (And beware the dreaded silk scarf.)  What am I talking about? TSA, of course. I like to travel, but I hate traveling to get there. It’s when I’m pushing a laptop, a raincoat, a pair of shoes, an iPad, an empty computer shoulder bag, a sweater, a silk scarf (“you have to take that off, too”), a ziplock baggy containing tiny bottles, a corkscrew (no blade), and a carry-on (now mostly empty) one-by-one through an x-ray machine that I find traveling to be particularly painful. And that’s not the worst of it. Because I refuse … Continue reading

Surviving Your 1st (Adult) Sleepover

There’s a first time for everyone: She invites you over to her place after a get-together with friends, or you walk her to the door (you always walk her to the door, right?) after dinner out and she asks if you’d like to come in; or you sit in the car talking about the movie you just saw and she says, “Come on, let’s go inside where it’s warmer.” You may not be sure just what she has in mind, but there’s the tantalizing possibility that it could be staying the night. Here are a few quick tips (in chronological order) to help make your first night in her bed not your last: Some women … Continue reading